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  • Best joke from comicscomedy
  • 2. 

    Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

    Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

    Doctor: "Nine."
    3. 

    My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” 
    -
    We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

    4. 

    A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
    -
    Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
    -
    The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.” 

    5.
    Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?"
    -
    Mr. Jeffries: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."

    6.
    An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day. 

    First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.". 

    The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

    7. 

    Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

    Patient: “OK.”

    Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

    8. 

    I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore
    9. 

    I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

    10. 

    An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
    -
    The friend replies “Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

    11. 

    "Can you please hold my hand?"A mother asks her son: "Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?"
    -
    Son: "My name is Paul."

    12. 

    Doctor: You're obese. 
    -
    Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion. 
    -
    Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

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